It’s Time To Put Bacon In Its Place

The internet is a place of trends. Wether it’s a dress, a dance, a meme, you can almost recount history and remember where you were based on what viral sensation was all over our timelines and feeds at a given point. For instance, the world famous black/blue/gold/white dress was peaking in March of 2015 and I remember this because that was the month I dropped out of college, shortly after someone gave a full length presentation on the phenomenon in my communications. And these trends seemingly have no end, until the next thing comes along and you forget it ever existed. It’s the beauty of the internet, no one thing is too big for its vast and countless opportunities for the next big thing.

Except for one.

One trend that seems to be picking up steam with every video on Facebook that features some swanky new spot in New York City or every single recipe video out there. Mother fucking bacon. I want to say this before I go any further, I like bacon. It tastes good. It’s a nice option to have for breakfast or a cheese burger. But here is my gripe: not everything is made better by adding bacon to it. I’m sorry, it’s just not. I am so sick and tired of the bacon craze. I’ve said this before and will say it now for all of you to hear, the baconization of America has been and will continue to be its downfall. I know we have more important issues to confront and take care of in this country, but lets nip this one in the bud early so we can focus on that important stuff. The other day on Facebook I saw a video of someone making bacon s’mores. BACON S’MORES. This innovation would “change s’mores forever” they said. No it won’t. All you did was take a perfectly fine sweet treat and wrap it in pig back fat and called yourself a genius. You are NOT a culinary mastermind if what you’ve contributed to the field is taking something that already exists and replaced a key part of it with bacon, or simply added bacon to it. Bacon puts asses in the seats, I understand that. But America, I beg of you, wake up and do not be blinded by the endless fad that is pig ass.

It’s a real shame to me too because the pig is such a versatile animal when it comes to cooking. We hold the fat, greasy bacon up on a pedestal but we forget how much the swine truly has to offer us. For instance, as far as barbecue food goes, the pig is simply unmatched. I’ll put BBQ pork ribs and pulled pork at the very top of any typical barbecue menu above things like brisket and barbecue chicken. A well prepared pork chop may not beat out a fine cooked steak, I’m not that insane, but against a roasted chicken? I’ll have the chop please and thank you. As for breakfast, the next time you head to the deli for a bacon egg and cheese, I highly recommend making the switch to sausage. Not only is it tastier, but its more volume, giving you a bigger and more satisfying breakfast. I have personally boycotted bacon at the breakfast table for years now.

To conclude, my goal here is not to eradicate bacon from the world. It DOES have it’s place in the world. That place just isn’t mixed in with every conceivable dish we come up with. I think that together this country can make a real difference if we all come together and take part in the de-baconization. If we as a nation see that we can work together on an issue as pressing as this, just imagine the possibilities. America, put bacon back in its place.

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